Thursday, July 15, 2010

That's an interesting twist (Update to blog cliffhanger)

Well it looks like the original intent of the blog may hold true. I originally started writing this blog down as I expected to be moving at some point and wanted a forum to post the daily life happenings for those that might be interested in following. That was the intent of the first post. Considering it took me a full year before I came back to write the second post. It would a be a reasonable assumption to say that I decided to utilize the blog in a different manner. I decided to use the blog to try and partially sort out a number of things I was dealing with (some I made public, some I didn't). This may help fill in some of the blanks during that time.

I'm rambling though, so let me provide some background, my wife and I decided when she was pregnant with Bronwyn, that she'd leave her current job, which was at an inner city charter school and take a year off to raise Bronwyn. There were multiple reasons for it, but the two biggest ones were that she wanted some additional time with Bronwyn during her first year and that the charter school she was working at was a year round school and she wanted to find something that had a traditional school year.

You know what they say about best laid plans, for the past 3 and a 1/2 years the wife has been diligently trying to find a teaching position. Given the current economic climate and the fact that her field of choice (Integrated Social Studies) isn't a high need position, to say the search has been stressful would be a bit of an understatement. We did have an opportunity 2 years ago to move to Florida, but against better judgement and some underlying factors (current house, family, etc.) we decided against that move at the time.

I cannot begin to tell you how stressful the process has been over the course of the last 4 years. Whether it's been solely caused by this job search or other factors I just don't know anymore. Without going into too many specifics I can honestly say it's been one of the most stressful situations I've ever been involved in, it's literally at times tested the limits of my sanity, alcohol intake, and put a tremendous amount of stress on my relationships with friends and family.

A year and a half ago, I found myself approaching the breaking point (one of many) and decided to try and start sorting things out as best as I could through this format. It's been a much needed outlet during that time. I haven't specifically talked a lot about the current issues in my life, but that was by design and my own philosophy. The situation in my life and relationship couldn't begin to move forward until I started to work internally again, much like I've had to do at other points in life. (although not really since my early and mid 20's.). I had to find an emotional starting point in order to try and begin moving forward again. I've made a tremendous amount of progress in this area with my blog, but I have a lot of work to do still and while it's help me answer a lot of questions, it's also opened up a whole host of other ones. I'll get into that in another post though, as I've got too much to get to in this one.

About two weeks ago the wife got called in for an interview in Columbus, Ohio, she had applied online to the school through a posting she saw on one of the many school sites she visits daily. We didn't think much of it, as the wife has been called in for interviews 2-3 times a year with little success to show for it, and considering the 100's of applications and resumes that she sends out each year, we tend to not get our hopes up too high. At the end of the interview they scheduled a second interview with her for the next week and during her second interview they cut the interview short and offered her the position, which she accepted. I've been hesitant to write about this, as the formal school letter hasn't been sent out yet, but considering yesterday, her new boss advised her that they were still just waiting to take it to the school board (a formality) and that they have provided her with a letter of employment, I decided to forgo my superstitions and put my thoughts down. (there's a part of me that needs to do this anyway, to start focusing on the next steps we have to take and for me to recognize it's real).

Which means we are packing up the truck and moving to Beverly, errr oops, Columbus. For the time being we get to face my biggest fears, not having a lot of control over a situation, anxiety over things I'm not familiar with such as selling a house in a depressed market, moving the family across state, being in completely unfamiliar surroundings and I'm sure many more. If there is a bright side to this (outside of the major stress relief from the wife finding a job) it's that there should be a fountain of topics to write about over the next couple of months (if I can find time).

I was hoping to write up a whole note/post to friends and family that have been affected by some of the collateral damage of the stress from these last couple years, but since it ties in so closely to this note, I thought it might be best to put it here.

To my friends and family that have been involved with this process, thank you for your compassion, time, and support during this ordeal. I know there have been difficult situations throughout this time, that you have handled beautifully. The amount of support you have lent me specifically and in many cases my family, have been crucial to us reaching this point. I'm not eloquent enough to put into words how much this has meant to me. I'm also sure it's been very confusing at times, due to my natural tendency to compartmentalize what I share and the fact that it would be impossible to convey at times all of the factors and emotions that were part of the situation. Add in the fact that at many points, I was buckling under the amount of stress and that decisions change on a daily basis and I'm sure there are things that don't make a lot of sense at times. So again, thank you for your support during this time, I'm eternally grateful.

To those that may wonder about my thoughts on Columbus and the move, this is the best I can give right now. Columbus is the next step in the saga, it's a huge cathartic release though for Laurie to have found a job. It doesn't erase all of those things that have happened over the past four years, but it's a significant step forward. While the support network we've grown accustomed too isn't going to be there, there is a security in knowing that it's only two hours away to visit those we are close with. However, the move will bring it's struggles too (new surroundings, selling current house, moving further away from friends and family, etc). So in answer to the question about my thoughts on Columbus, I'm excited, but it tastes a little bittersweet as I'm wary of the steps ahead. This is one step in the process and I'm hopeful that it provides the new opportunities I think it will going forward and to put things back to 'normal'. Once some of the next pieces start falling (selling the house, getting situated in Columbus), I'll have a better idea of the roadmap back to normal, but I'm optimistic about the possibilities ahead.

So how does "Life and Times in Columbus" sound? In truth I might get to that point of updating the blog, but for a couple months at least, I'm going to leave it as is, we'll consider it knowledge of the inner circle.



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