Thursday, February 25, 2010

I'm not ready

"I'm not ready"

This thought has been pounding through my head the last couple days. It's not a new thought at least in regards to the subject matter that's provoking it. Here's what brought it back.

I walk around the house and occasionally one of the many collages of pictures of my daughter catch my eye. These two pictures caught my eye this week and all I can see when I look at them is the innocence in her face and eyes.

Can you see it?

Bronwyn has been talking a lot about growing up this week. She broke out in tears last night because she was sad she wouldn't be living with me someday. When I was a child I'd have similar thoughts and emotional moments with my parents.

I remember those moments as a child and how upset I'd get about them and it breaks my heart to watch her have similar moments. It's the beginning of the world chipping away at her innocence and no matter what I try to do it's going to happen. That realization is hitting me like a ton of bricks.

I know she's growing up and I'm acutely aware that her childhood is going to continue to go by too fast. The irony is that even though she was the one crying about the future yesterday, I think I'll be the one crying about it tomorrow. Her childhood is a lifetime to her, to me it's a small precious window, a gift. She'll learn to think of it as a natural progression, I can only hope to do the same.

For now, I'll continue to enjoy it and when she asks me to play or tell her a story after I've had a long day of work, I'll try and remember that someday she won't be asking me, she'll be off continuing to grow up.

As I said at the beginning "I'm not ready".


Blonde4ever said...

OMG! Your daughter is sooo gorgeous. What a doll!
It is always so hard to watch the "world" get at your kids,isn't it?

Michael said...

Thank you, yes, not easy watching things start to 'get at' her. Definitely the part I'm not looking forward too as she grows up.