Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Understanding anger and conflict, the art of being 'mad'

It seems like I've been thinking a lot lately about how I deal with situations. There seems to be a ton of drama going on in my life, some I tend to talk about on here, and some I've decided that needs to be kept off the pages for the time being.

(By the way my brother if he's reading this, will be telling me I told you so, the next time I talk to him).

One of the many things I've realized lately is I don't deal very well with anger as an emotion. That statement maybe a bit misleading, as when people typically think about issues in dealing with anger, they think of someone unable to control there emotion. In my case, it's just the opposite. And in truth while I've described the emotion I have difficulty in dealing with as anger, it's more an issue with getting mad. I rarely get mad.

I don't really know how to get mad. To be upset with something that borders on anger, but ultimately isn't a very strong emotion that ties me up mentally. I just don't know why this is. Maybe it's the fact, that I tend to let things roll of my back or that I just don't think the energy is best spent in getting mad about something, when I can already begin working on how to correct the issue that got me mad.

I'm beginning to wonder though, if that's the best approach. To many times lately, things seem to build up into anger, and too a level that is physically and mentally draining. Not to mention the fact, that I don't necessarily do my best thinking when I'm emotional. It makes for bad circumstances.

There is a part that's over thinking this as well though, while getting 'mad' once in awhile would likely prevent pent up (pop can like emotions, there you go Jason). It's not going to solve the underlying issues of what's driving that emotion. In many senses I see getting mad regularly as making it worse.

Which brings up my other issue, that I've come to realize recently. I despise having unresolved issues in my life. And I hate not having a consensus on an issue, even if it means difficult compromises. I want to understand the issue from the sides in contention and then determine how to proceed with it going forward.

This is probably why I've never been really good at relationships. They tend to have a lot of grey areas to them, where it takes time to work through an issue as both parties can sometimes have vastly different thoughts or approaches to a problem. It's not that I'm opposed to the work and compromise, it's just that in many cases, I run into situations where I'm at a polar end in a belief and I know I'm not going to change my opinion on it. I can't stand situations like this, as I'm not really the type to say to someone, you are just going to have to deal with it, as this is the way it is. And again, it's not like I've never said those words it's just not my typical nature. I've never thought of myself as this type of person and have always tried to avoid these types of situations. Hell I'd go so far to say, that it's my number one philosophy meaning i.e avoiding these types of situations.

In case you haven't been able to decipher, I'm faced with one of these types of decisions right now, and I know I'm not going to change my opinion on the side I'm on, I got to it after many years of thinking on it and examining the pros and cons of it. In dealing with it, I'm finding myself anxious as I have to consistently be in a state of agitation due to the issue and the person who's on the opposite side of the issue in my life. And as I pointed out, I don't do plain old mad well, so I tend to repress emotionally rather then upsetting the uneasy balance that currently exists as I watch the issue become larger and larger.

No comments: