Tuesday, June 9, 2009

If I just keep riding.....

I actually woke up and got out on the bike trail this morning, and I'm so glad I did as it was a great ride. Temperature was mild, but not too cold with the wind and there was no one on the trail. As a matter of fact, as I got to the halfway point and needed to turn around, I couldn't help but think that I wouldn't mind just continuing to ride for a couple hours in one direction and worry about the consequences later. However my sense of personal responsibility took over and I did turn around and finish the ride.

It's so nice to get out on the trail by myself and put the ipod earbuds in and just cruise along. I love putting the little on on the bike seat and taking her for a ride, but it's a much different experience then a solo ride. With the little one in tow, she becomes my focus, how long before she gets antsy? why is she trying to shake the seat and knock us over? (because she can), what songs or commentary is she going to provide? (Yesterday she was commenting on how stinky it was and had determined it must be from duck farts). It's definitely a good time when I take her for a ride, it's just very nice to get the solo time.

I was thinking a lot on the ride today, and I'm having difficulty trying to slim it down and not spend 4-6 hours writing a post about it. Much of my thoughts are ones that I've been kicking around for weeks now for new subjects, but they just seem like good ideas at the moment and aren't flushed out enough for a post.

Which is why I've decided to due something a little different. Instead of breaking down the topic, I'm going to give you a peak inside of what I'm thinking about riding and some of the discussions in my head. There is a part of me that feels way too vulnerable doing this, which probably means it's more interesting.

Mike's Head: So you've teased about the self medicating post long enough, finally going to write about it?

Hmmm, not yet, my guess if anyone remembers the tease at this point, they are thinking drugs or alcohol. It's really more then that, since it's about everyday things, whether it's food, choices, things we like to do and certainly things like alcohol. But I'm not really sure what I can wrap the story around. I'm not in the mood for a deep, depressing post, and at times I'm not sure how I feel about my social drinking, and if I don't know how I feel about it, I'm definitely not sure on how I want to write about it.

Mike's Head: Well you could talk about how your such a sap or you could do that personality breakdown you've been thinking about.

Yes, I know I'm a sap because I watch a couple of 'light' comedies and they were actually enjoyable, and it's funny as it contradicts my social persona of stern, serious, and measured. That actually would be a good segway into the personality breakdown I've been thinking about. The problem is though, every time I start thinking about 'who' I am in trying to describe it. I feel like I go down a never ending path. And I think my fascination with my own contradictions is just me stroking my own ego. Yes, I have metro sexual tendencies and enjoy rural settings and I can come across as the most put together professional for one moment and break out the inner child at the next but the more I think about these contradictions the more I realize that it's no different then anyone else. Maybe my levels and interests are unique, but the contradictions itself aren't so unusual if you broke someone else down. So no, that's not a topic for discussion today as I don't want to indulge my narcissistic side at the moment.

Mike's Head: you're being difficult today. What happened to letting it all out and not over thinking it?

Ahh, excellent point, yes that concept is almost a complete failure. I'll strive for being open and vulnerable, but I've come to realize this blog is no different then real life, there are always possible consequences for actions, so I need to be aware of how my posts can potentially affect myself and others. However I don't think all will be lost in not being completely 'open'. By writing about how I think, I'm being more open then I've ever been in some respects. I'll just have to keep working on ways to try and balance it.

There were other assorted thoughts on the bike trip, but none spring immediately to mind and in truth I'm starting to run into a bit of a mental block in describing them, so now is as good of time as any to take a break from this, until the next post that is, well that is unless I just keep riding tomorrow morning, always a possibility.

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