Sunday, February 22, 2009

Life past 35 a lesson in short-sightedness

Well, it's almost March and the 36th birthday is around the corner at the end of the month. Fact is I've never been a big birthday fan, I don't particularly care that I'm a year older in truth. It's a number that could be radically different if our time keeping was set up differently. It's more about how I feel and where I'm at in life that causes me the most issues this time of year.

So I as I posted last week: I'm trying to look toward the future and understand how I want to pursue things in life. Thinking about it further after that post, I realized, I never planned for life past 35. Heck, I was thinking I would just be happy to make it that age and hopefully accomplish some of the goals I had in mind.

Well I made it here, have a family, a job, house, dog, cars. Not too bad, although not entirely unexpected. I've also managed to stay pretty true to myself and I believe I have maintained a personality that holds many of my core characteristics that I value. Let me also provide some insight here, I don't put down hard and fast goals, I actually hate trying to measure progress for the most part. However, I do put general goals out there, which help frame choices as I encounter them, so while I may have a goal of 100k a year to be made by 2005 (as an example). It doesn't really matter whether I hit the goal directly or not, it just let's me utilize it in planning and using a positive/negative expectation value to more important decisions.

I currently feel like something is missing. Part of it is I do believe things in life could be better, better job, house, more income, etc. So there are material things I know that I need to factor into this next plan. Since I've got a fairly solid foundation though, I'm not overly concerned with how difficult those things will be to obtain. I think the biggest concerns from a monetary standpoingt are going to be trying to wrap my head around the fact that I need to start figuring out things about retirement. Kind of a scary thought, especially considering I still think of myself as someone much younger then I actually am.

So the material issues will likely handle themselves. The mental aspect of this, is where I feel I'm missing something, as I stated in my other post, I don't want to grow old and be bitter about things. These days, life seems like it's rushing by and I desperately want to slow it down a bit. As much as I have come to like consistency and schedule. I despise it in so many ways. If you take away the times when I go out of town for work, or for an occassional getaway, I can pretty much predict where I'll be at what time and on what day for the next 3-6 months and that is a terribly scary thought and depressing at the same time.

I need to figure out whether this is a rut or whether there is a greater issue here that's making me feel this way. There are a variety of things that could be driving it, my wife looking for a job, being exhausted from work, having a hyper 3 year old and many others. Once I can get an understanding of that, I think it will be time to start looking at the plan past 35, how far I want to look ahead though is still to be determined, as there are some tough decisions I have to make that affect career and family going forward as well. Unfortunately in the field I work in, career advancement can cause some tough decisions in relation to family, that I need to figure out. But that's for another day's post.


Anonymous said...

Enjoyed your blog and thoughts on turning older.
I have some I will share with you, but not here.
Email me.
I am also on the Open Vegas Board.
Bob, also in Cleveland.

Michael said...

Thanks Bob, if you go through my profile, there should be an email link if you want to send over your thoughts, thanks for reading though.