Well, it's almost March and the 36th birthday is around the corner at the end of the month. Fact is I've never been a big birthday fan, I don't particularly care that I'm a year older in truth. It's a number that could be radically different if our time keeping was set up differently. It's more about how I feel and where I'm at in life that causes me the most issues this time of year.
So I as I posted last week: http://lifeandtimesincleveland.blogspot.com/2009/02/its-only-taken-2-years-for-second-one.html I'm trying to look toward the future and understand how I want to pursue things in life. Thinking about it further after that post, I realized, I never planned for life past 35. Heck, I was thinking I would just be happy to make it that age and hopefully accomplish some of the goals I had in mind.
Well I made it here, have a family, a job, house, dog, cars. Not too bad, although not entirely unexpected. I've also managed to stay pretty true to myself and I believe I have maintained a personality that holds many of my core characteristics that I value. Let me also provide some insight here, I don't put down hard and fast goals, I actually hate trying to measure progress for the most part. However, I do put general goals out there, which help frame choices as I encounter them, so while I may have a goal of 100k a year to be made by 2005 (as an example). It doesn't really matter whether I hit the goal directly or not, it just let's me utilize it in planning and using a positive/negative expectation value to more important decisions.
I currently feel like something is missing. Part of it is I do believe things in life could be better, better job, house, more income, etc. So there are material things I know that I need to factor into this next plan. Since I've got a fairly solid foundation though, I'm not overly concerned with how difficult those things will be to obtain. I think the biggest concerns from a monetary standpoingt are going to be trying to wrap my head around the fact that I need to start figuring out things about retirement. Kind of a scary thought, especially considering I still think of myself as someone much younger then I actually am.
So the material issues will likely handle themselves. The mental aspect of this, is where I feel I'm missing something, as I stated in my other post, I don't want to grow old and be bitter about things. These days, life seems like it's rushing by and I desperately want to slow it down a bit. As much as I have come to like consistency and schedule. I despise it in so many ways. If you take away the times when I go out of town for work, or for an occassional getaway, I can pretty much predict where I'll be at what time and on what day for the next 3-6 months and that is a terribly scary thought and depressing at the same time.
I need to figure out whether this is a rut or whether there is a greater issue here that's making me feel this way. There are a variety of things that could be driving it, my wife looking for a job, being exhausted from work, having a hyper 3 year old and many others. Once I can get an understanding of that, I think it will be time to start looking at the plan past 35, how far I want to look ahead though is still to be determined, as there are some tough decisions I have to make that affect career and family going forward as well. Unfortunately in the field I work in, career advancement can cause some tough decisions in relation to family, that I need to figure out. But that's for another day's post.
1 year ago